


Let's just, Hah...ppy (Jesus) Christ-mas

by 396Ayumu, einsKai, ShionsTear



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Aliens, Avatar: The Last Airbender References, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Christmas Tree Shenanigans, Collaboration, Crack, Elf!Iori, Elf!Mitsuki, Exorcisms, Gen, Jesus!Kinako, JoJo's References, King!Nagi, M/M, Magic, Rap Battles, Roombas, Santa!Yamato, Senyuu References, Star Trek References, Star Wars References, but the very next day, i gave you my heart, last christmas, you gave it away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 07:45:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17137796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/396Ayumu/pseuds/396Ayumu, https://archiveofourown.org/users/einsKai/pseuds/einsKai, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShionsTear/pseuds/ShionsTear
Summary: "So, what's the plan?""How should I know, I normally don’t summon rabbit jesuses on Christmas so they can exorcise two of my friends that scaled a Christmas tree while I was just on my way to deliver presents like every year.”





	Let's just, Hah...ppy (Jesus) Christ-mas

**Author's Note:**

> So... how to explain this with few words...
> 
> This is what happens when three idio---I mean friends come up with the idea "hey why don't we write a Christmas story together, but to make it more exciting, everyone writes a part on each day leading up to Christmas, but the other two can only read the last sentence of each part, so no one knows what the story is actually about"-plan.
> 
> And this was the result. Merry Christmas and happy reading, we hope you enjoy it as much as we did writing this!

Yamato was standing in front of his closet. He had waited for this all year. Finally his season had come, and his secret identity would be revealed to the world - well, not revealed directly, but he would show it again. There was no other time that he could do this, no.

The red coat in his closet was still freshly cleaned from last year. He took it out and traced the fabric that he had already gotten used to long ago. The warm red wool, and the soft white fur, as well as the smooth leather of the black belt, and the cool metal of the belt’s buckle… all that was so familiar and felt to Yamato more like an extension of his own body, a second skin rather than clothes.

When he put the coat on, he felt new strength flow into his bones. His old vitality came back, and his bushy white beard grew faster than the average human’s eye would be able to see. Luckily Yamato – or Santa, as one called him in this appearance – was not a normal human. He was a certain type of extra-terrestrial being that only existed to feed off other people’s happiness and joy, without hurting them. He considered becoming an idol for a while, but then decided that he was too lazy. Still, this age-old tradition of Christmas (that he had come up with a few years ago, maybe a few hundred, or a thousand, or more if he was honest, but for his species time didn’t really matter, as he could willingly control it – how else would he deliver all those presents on Christmas Eve, huh?) was something that he would like to continue.

Yamato stretched one last time and then climbed into the chimney of his house. Now it was time to put the roombas into their harnesses and put them before the sleigh to go on his yearly quest to search for the perfect presents!

Musashi was, like always, in the front. His distinct beeping noises and red-coloured touch sensors and brushes were a great help, as they prevented Identified and Unidentified Flying Objects from crashing into them. Yamato was very happy with this, as no life-threatening accidents had occurred since Musashi had joined the team.

After checking that all the roombas were fastened properly and receiving their beeping thank you noises, Yamato boarded his sleigh. While he kept doing this year after year, one should not think that Yamato stayed completely true to tradition. He was, first and foremost, a lazy onii-san, so he followed the new trends and modified his sleigh to make his job safer, faster, and as practical as possible.

With the push of a button, his tuned sleigh was covered with a convertible roof and the heating system started up. Ah, heating really was one of the best inventions of humanity! Yamato then started up the Anti-Gravity Roomba System and prepared for takeoff. Musashi and the other eight roombas started running and, bit by bit, elevated the sleigh until it disappeared into the night sky.

One of the most dangerous parts of the flight was done, so Yamato could relax a bit. He took off his coat and then input his first destination on his Roomba Integrated Positioning System. The nine flying roombas calculated the fastest path to their destination (without tolls, of course) and pulled the high-tech sleigh on the way to Noth Meir.

The reason being because Noth Meir was home to the world-wide renowned smile giver Rokuya Nagi. He lived in the island’s capital in his big castle; he was the king too after all. Saint Yamato had known Nagi from _earlier_ – no one really knew where from, the two kept it secret and not because the author couldn’t think of a good enough reason for it – and therefore, whenever he was unsure about which presents to give everyone, he’d visit his good friend Nagi. The smile giver was talked of all around the world. His job was to make people smile and he took pride in it. His idea started as a ‘silly dream’, as his old friends used to call it; but they underestimated the tenacity (or stubbornness?) of Nagi and his desire to make others happy.

Yamato landed safely on the parking lot in front of the castle. But because his sleigh and roombdeers occupied four lots he had to buy four tickets as well.

“Fucking capitalism.” he said grumpily as he put his last coins into the ticket dispenser. He walked back to his sleigh, put one ticket on Musashi, one on his sleigh and the other two dispersed among the rest of the roombdeers. “I’ll be right back, Musashi. Keep your sensors open.” Musashi beeped in response and Yamato walked towards the castle gates.

It had been snowing all day in Noth Meir and it was slowly piling up on the streets. But thanks to his red with fur-lined Christmas clothes – artificial fur of course – he was feeling warm and comfy. They did make him stand out like a sore thumb though (because the sleigh with nine Roombas did not, right?).

The guards at the entrance knew of his arrival so there were no problems with him getting inside. He wasn’t there for the first time so he knew exactly where he needed to go. As always, the walls of the corridors of the castle were lined up with dozens and dozens of shelves and each of them was brimming with various kinds of anime merchandise.

“If only I could take some of this stuff and give them away as presents, would make my job way easier.” he talked to himself yet ended his sentence with a laugh. He was well aware that stealing merchandise from the royal palace was a crime against the state and would be punished harshly. Gossip has it that Nagi forces criminals to watch the most horrendous of anime, but there is no proof for that – no criminal ever returned… Yamato shook his head to forget about those stories and continued stepping along the corridors. And after a while he finally reached the big door.

“Well then, here we go again.” Yamato said as he pushed open the doors to the throne room and was greeted with a radiant smile.

The blond king of Noth Meir was sitting in his big and lonely throne room, the light of the candles reflecting on the golden walls warmly, but making the atmosphere of the room tense, as Yamato constantly felt like there was someone watching him.

“ _Oh!_ _Yamato!_ It is so _nice_ to see you again!” Nagi called and stood up from his throne, to come into Yamato’s direction and crush him in a monster hug that an octopus would have been proud of. “Is it that _time_ _again?_ ”

Yamato nodded weakly, as he felt his face turn purple, as his breathing was constricted with Nagi’s love.

Finally the king let go of him and nodded seriously. “I will get it then.” he said, “ _please_ sit down and wait until my return, _Yamato!_ ”

“Of course.” Yamato choked. He was used to this procedure, had been for a few years already. Ever since this king had been responsible for the keeping of the book it had been like this. The boy’s father hadn’t been this overzealous, no. While still loving he had been more respectful in front of the ancient being that Yamato was. Nagi on the other hand treated him like his best friend. Maybe that was because Nagi didn’t have many other friends.

“ _I_ am _back!!!_ ” Nagi tackled Yamato and almost hit him in the head with the big golden book that he was carrying.

Yamato, who wasn’t all that keen on being knocked out by his own book that he left at Noth Meir for safekeeping all year, used his superhuman reflexes (that weren’t used that often he had to admit, he was an old onii-san already, spare him all that youthful bullshit) and evaded the incoming book-love-attack that the king probably got out of one of his many anime that he liked to watch to fill the loneliness in his kingly heart. Okay, Yamato may have been exaggerating this, it wasn’t that bad. Nagi was just a nerd.

“Then let’s see...” Yamato took the book and opened it.

“...Nagi.” he sighed.

“What?”

“You can’t just cross out ‘Naughty’ and write ‘Nice’ in pretty glittering pen. I can’t give the naughty kids presents, you know tha-“ Yamato stopped and looked at Nagi’s pout. “Don’t look at me like that! Those are the rules!”

“...I just wanted _Yamato_ to get a _present_ too.”

“What?” he looked down at the ‘Naughty’ list again. “Wait, why is my name the only one on the ‘Naughty’ list? Why am I in the book at all?! I’m Santa, I don’t need to be in the book.”

“Well, _Yamato_ , you have to leave now, right?”

“Uh, I guess? Now that I have the book...”

“Then _bye bye_ , and give _Mitsuki_ a _kiss_ from me when you see him!”

“Gross, do that yourself when you see him. I’m not your love-mailman!”

With that Yamato was thrown out of the throne room, and returned to his sleigh. With the golden book of naughty and nice kids in the back he was now ready to go to the Christmas bakery of his two favourite elves (they were the only elves he knew, but nobody needed to know that).

The new course was set, so Yamato happily relaxed inside his sleigh while the roombas worked their magic. Or their technology. They were doing a really good job this year and Yamato felt they were quite motivated. Due to their excellent work, Yamato and the gang soon arrived at the bakery.

A light brown sign hung on the entrance, with the word CLOSED written in white. Yamato pushed the door open regardless and the pleasant sound of a chime diffused through the air. There was no movement inside, the chairs were all upside down on the tables and there were no pastries in the glass counter, but the lights were on. He finished walking inside and closed the door behind him.

“Hello? Is anyone there? Ichi? Mitsu?” the man in glasses shouted while going around the counter and through a door, where a wonderful sight greeted him.

There were three tables inside the room. Two of them were filled to the brim with cakes of different shapes, sizes and colours; half of them donning complicated decorations like flowers, small animals and miscellaneous objects. They looked extremely lifelike, but Yamato knew they were made by the skilful elves using sugar and colourant. The other table had ingredients and kitchen utensils scattered all over, and two figures were busying about behind it.

“Hey, old man! You’re here so soon this year!” greeted the orange-haired elf, Mitsuki.

“Good evening, Nikaidou-san.”  the taller yet younger Iori bowed. “We are almost finished with everything. Nii-san is finishing up the last batch of flower cupcakes and then we will only be lacking the special batch.”

“Hey there, Mitsu, Ichi!” Yamato greeted back. “The special batch, huh... I never understood how this one works.”

“Well, you know, the Synthetoyzer™ usually works pretty well, but when you enter weird commands...”

“Either the algorithm collapses or it falls in a loop, which leads to the system overheating.”

“Yep, so we have no choice but to bake weird stuff like Soba roll cake.”

The short elf kept complaining about the special batch while Iori comforted him. Yamato watched the siblings move around and his thoughts wandered towards the Synthetoyzer™ . A useful piece of elf technology, that one. Using cakes of the right characteristics as a material in combination with the right settings would allow you to obtain practically anything that could be considered a Christmas gift.

Mitsuki was starting to mix ingredients for the special batch when Iori headed towards the Synthetoyzer™, wired a laptop to it, and started transforming the other cakes to toys and gifts. At first, Yamato was just observing, but at some point, he had been pulled by Mitsuki and he’d helped completing the last cakes.

“And there you go, Yamato-san.” said Mitsuki while giving him a big bag full of things. “Here are all this year’s gifts, and also some failed cakes for you to eat. Good luck with the deliveries!” 

“Thanks you two.” he heaved the bag on his back and turned around. “Merry Christmas, ho ho ho!”

“You really are perfect for this job huh…” was the last thing Yamato heard before the door closed behind of him. He walked back to his sleigh. Musashi and the others were already eagerly awaiting him and beeped in excitement when they saw the big bag he was carrying. With another heave, he swung the bag onto the sleigh and grabbed his phone.

“Okay Roombiri, calculate the most efficient way to deliver all presents.” the Roomba right in front of him beeped happily and started making noises. Yamato leaned back on his sleigh and sighed. “Hah, onii-san is getting too old for this. Maybe I should retire…” But before he could finish his thought, his loyal Roomba beeped again and signalized that it had finished its calculations. Yamato grabbed the reins and “Yip yi---wait, wrong franchise.” he laughed and the Roombas started pulling the sleigh.

Yamato was happy that his sleigh could fly, honestly. Imagine having to drive through all of the Christmas chaos all around the world. Not that he’d ever make it in time on ground, he barely made it in time through air; if he’d just take less breaks he’d have no problems. But Yamato wouldn’t work without breaks, if he had to, he’d complain to his boss, whoever that might be.

As he swooshed through the skies and above the clouds, he took a look at his list. So many gifts for so many children. He really should’ve asked for a pay raise, he thought to himself. Yamato continued looking through the list and noticed the noticeably marked special gifts. There were a few special gifts he had to deliver this year and the house of the first receiver of one of those was slowly coming into sight.

The man inside the house seemed to wait for something. His handsome face, because he really was handsome, looked spaced out, as he was staring into the flames of his fireplace.  
The dancing flames were looking beautiful, the flickering light on the walls and on the man’s porcelain skin was the only thing that actually seemed alive in the house.

Yamato felt pissed off just thinking about having to wait until the guy went to sleep, just to be able to climb through the chimney (where the fire was burning right now, which could be very, very painful, if Yamato wasn’t careful enough.)

Luckily Yamato was Santa and could therefore just use his alien powers to stop time, as any good Santa should.

Climbing through the chimney now wasn’t a problem anymore, and the flames couldn’t burn him anymore either. For a brief moment he wondered how many people had seen flames like this, frozen and unmoving, yet still glowing. Then he remembered how photos were a thing now, and that with modern 3D-VR technology anyone could probably just play the Santa-Simulator and climb through chimneys and see the same things he did.

Ah, how he loved having dedicated fans who even made video games about him.

The Yaotome household was scary in the dark like this. Just for fun and for relaxing the atmosphere for himself, Yamato shadowboxed in front of Gaku’s face, the guy wouldn’t be able to see or hear things anyway, so he could do whatever he wanted. Maybe he should steal a beer from Gaku’s kitchen.

But no! This wasn’t why he was here.

Yamato searched through his bag, until he found the present that he was supposed to deliver to Gaku.

‘Flirting for Dummies’, a wonderful book that would give Gaku many joys next year. Also included in the package: A Make-It-At-Home Soba-kit. Perfect for the Soba-loving Gaku. Maybe he could even combine the two and flirt with soba. Or cook with flirting, who knew what got the water hot and bothered (or boiling).

Happy with his work in the house, Yamato resumed to his sleigh.

“Let’s see...” Yamato mumbled. “Next up is... How the fuck did _he_ make it on the ‘Nice’-List?!”

Yamato sighed heavily. He reeeeally didn’t want to go there, but he still programmed the Roomba Integrated Positioning System to head towards Yuki’s apartment. He could technically put it off, but that would mess up the records, which would make the accounting much more complicated. And he would end up having to go anyway.

Once his sleigh landed on the roof of the apartment, Yamato sighed again. He reluctantly started looking for the chimney. And then he realized something.

“...there’s no chimney?”

Sighing for the third time in a row, Yamato went to the edge of the roof and looked down.

“In this kind of situation, there should be an open window or something for me to sneak in, right?”

But there weren’t any open windows. Yamato really wanted to quit his job right then and there, but he thought of the rest of the nice kids that wouldn’t get a present if he did that and continued looking for a way in instead.

After checking all the windows, with the help of his roombas, and making sure that none of them was open, he headed towards his last hope, the door. But as he was about to check if it was open or not, someone walked towards it, opened it, and went inside the house.

The person flipped the corridor’s light on and walked into the house. Yamato could now see that it was Momo (even though he should’ve expected it, as nobody else would or could enter Yuki’s house so nonchalantly at night) and he was wearing a red outfit with a red hat... Momo was cosplaying as him!

“Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, Darling!” Momo yelled into the apartment while Yamato used his Santa Magic to sneak inside without being noticed.

“This is not according to plan.” Yamato thought to himself. Why was Momo dressed like him, holding a bag and walking into Yuki’s and his apartment? Yamato didn’t know, there was no way to know at the moment. He decided to improvise and observe the two for now.

“Momo?” Yuki asked confused. He was watering the plants when Momo suddenly appeared.

“Ho ho ho!”

“My, this year’s present is quite big. Fufu.”

“Y-y-yuki, I’m not your present!” Momo blushed and shook his head. “But you’re so cool! That line was so cool!!”

“I know.”

Momo let go of the bag, sprinted towards his partner and jumped into his arms. Yuki managed to catch him – to the surprise of all three (Yamato was still there) – but let himself fall down on the couch shortly after. The two started laughing and looked into each other’s eyes.

“Yuki.”

“Momo.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Yuki answered and their lips moved closer and…

“TMI, let’s leave the presents and get outta here. Onii-san is too old for this.” Yamato whispered to himself. But there was one problem: the Christmas tree was next to the couch. Yamato used another of his convenient Santa Magic tricks and made the lights turn off. With Santa Magic trick No. 420 he made his footsteps completely silent, like a ninja, and slowly stepped closer to the tree; his glasses had a built-in night scope, obviously.

He tried his best not to look into the direction of the couch, because the background noises coming from the other two were already more than he would’ve liked to experience. He left the presents there, did a 180 and rushed outside again; like a ninja.

“I need a beer after this is over.” Yamato sat down on his sleigh, sighed deeply, took the reins and headed to his next destination.

Sadly, after just a few seconds his sleigh stopped mid-air (unlike it was supposed to).

Panicking for a moment, Yamato climbed out of the sleigh and walked over to the roombas on the thin rope that was meant for the suspension of the roombas in front of the sleigh.

His roombas seemed anxious. Maybe there was something in the air they didn’t like... It definitely wasn’t that they were hungry, Yamato always kept his roombas well fed.

He let himself down and hung on the rope upside down, a little like a sloth, and began petting the first roomba, who happened to be the one shaking the most. It shivered and then relaxed into Yamato’s touch. At the end of the procedure it was basically putty in his hands, purring and eager to continue the journey. Yamato climbed further, to continue the caressing, one roomba by one, until he had reached Musashi, and every last one of them. They were finally calm again, and Yamato could carefully climb back into his sleigh. He had no idea what had caused the interruption, but he was glad that it was now over.

Finally, after this stressful interruption, Yamato could continue his journey.

A house came in sight, and it was decorated with so many different Christmas decorations that Yamato’s eyes hurt from all the blinding lights.

Yamato rummaged under the seat of his sleigh until he found his Christmas Lights Dulling Device, more commonly known as sunglasses, and put it on after taking off his glasses. He looked towards the house again. On the (too) bright side, there was a huge blinking arrow made of neon lights pointing towards the chimney with the words “Santa’s path” inside, so this time sneaking inside the house wouldn’t be a problem.

Once he was inside the chimney, Yamato took off his CLDD (sunglasses) and put his glasses back on. He carefully descended and entered the house. Once he crawled out of the fireplace, a “Welcome, Santa!” sign illuminated by a lot of clip lights greeted him. Under the sign was a table with a plate of fruit and a glass of milk, both with a “For Santa” post-it sticked on them.

“It would’ve been good if this were beer.” sighed Yamato yet again, “This onii-san, Santa is an adult, you know!”

Suddenly, the normal lights were turned on, and although the brightness level of the room didn’t change much, Yamato panicked: the owner of the house had woken up.

“Tenn-nii, are you sure you heard something?”

“Yes Riku, stay close behind of me.” Tenn whispered, carrying a baseball bat in his hand. _What in the world_ , Yamato thought to himself. He had hidden himself, he didn’t necessarily want to be beaten up by someone he was about to give presents to.

Riku walked closely behind his brother as they entered the room. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary to them. All the decorations were still where the two had put them up, the lights looked normal too; but something was bugging Tenn. He squinted and stepped closer to where Yamato was hiding with his convenient Santa Magic. But for some reason, it seemed like Tenn could still sense him and only stopped centimetres in front of him.

 _Now’s the time to exercise for that diving exam you didn’t know you’d take until just now, onii-san. Hold in your breath, even if it kills you. Or this big brother here will kill you instead._ He talked to himself in his mind and held his breath. 

“Hmm…”

“Is s-something over there?” Riku asked.

“I’m not sure, maybe ther-“

“Sou-chan!! You can’t just-“ the door slammed open behind the twins and Tamaki and Sougo were standing in the door frame.

“I heard some noise so I came to check.” Sougo smiled, a screwdriver in his hand.

“As did we, but it seems there’s nothing here, Ousaka Sougo.” Tenn turned around.

“Are you all okay?”

“Ryu-aniki?”

“Ryu, what are you doing here?” Tenn asked confused.

“Well I heard some noise and came to check…” he explained. _Why is Tsunashi-san here too? What are they all doing here, what is even happening anymore?_ Yamato thought to himself, finally breathing again since Tenn stepped away from him. He was observing the bizarre scene and tried to come up with a reasonable explanation for what was going on in front of him; he failed to think of one.

Yamato felt like he was being played, as if someone was doing this intentionally to make him suffer through Christmas for no apparent reason – and there was none, really. He missed Musashi. And his home, he just wanted to go back home now, but he couldn’t, he had a duty to fulfil. He was Santa after all... for some reason.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Riku raised his arm and told everyone that he’ll go and see who it is. After a short moment, he came back being followed by Gaku and Nagi. Why? Because this story needed them later, obviously. They stood there in that exaggeratingly overlit living room while Yamato was still hiding with his Santa Magic. Yamato started to question his sanity as he silently whispered to himself: “What the fuck is going on?”

“Tamaki-kun, please don’t climb the Christmas tree.” Sougo said, exasperated and maybe a little mad.

Yamato found that a shiver ran down his spine at the expression that he got to witness from the usually calm man. Maybe whatever Tamaki told them about the evil Sou-chan was true after all. Nobody ever believed him, and even Nagi had still put ‘Ousaka Sougo’ on the ‘Nice’-List in the golden book, but maybe they really needed to reconsider that.

The noise of a chainsaw starting up seemed to confirm Yamato’s suspicion.

“Ah! No Sou-chan, stop it!! For real, you already cut the tree down in the forest and you shortened it so it would fit in the living room already! Haven’t you done enough killing and mutilating for a day?!”

“If you don’t get off the tree in this exact minute I will do much worse things to you than kill or mutilate you. Tamaki-kun, you aren’t a Christmas tree ornament!”

“Fuck you! I kin a blue Christmas tree ball!”

“What does that even mean?”

“I dunno, I found it on tumblr and I think it’s funny. Sou-chan can kin the star on top of the Christmas tree. Come join me.”

“Isn’t tumblr supposed to be safe for children now?” Ryuu, who was obviously the most established memester of them all and was well versed in all kinds of meme lore (this means that he has no idea and that his only meme experience is accidentally joining a facebook group for moms and never bothering to leave, but he heard of the tumblr thing on the news), asked.

Sougo and Tamaki ignored him, for the moment their argument was more important than their usually beloved Tsunashi-san or Ryuu-aniki, you name it.

“What’s that supposed to mean, I can be the star?!” Sougo dropped his chainsaw and it landed on Riku’s foot. Riku had just been passing through, but now his foot was maybe broken. Luckily Tenn immediately healed it with big brother magic.

“That’s because you’re my star, Sou-chan!” Tamaki grinned brightly.

Sougo flushed bright red at the cheesy pick-up line and without another comment he joined Tamaki’s efforts to scale their Christmas tree.

Suddenly, a black hole swallowed the Christmas tree. Sougo and Tamaki fell to the ground and stopped moving.

“Tamaki-kun! Sougo-kun! Are you okay?” Ryu worriedly ran up to them and asked for their wellbeing.

“#dead” said Tamaki.

“#fun #fall” said Sougo.

“Oh no...” Mitsuki appeared out of thin air (with elf magic, obviously) and looked horrified as he muttered: “They have been infected!”

“Infected? By what?” Ryu asked, both worried and scared for their wellbeing. And not at all surprised by the magic.

“#followforfollow” exclaimed Tamaki.

“#followback” exclaimed Sougo.

“I am afraid it is the Useless Hashtag Syndrome” diagnosed Mitsuki with a solemn voice.

“No...! It can’t be...! Why are Millennials affected by this syndrome? I thought they were immune to this!” Momo was on the verge of despair as he stepped out from a wardrobe that had a portal from dubious origins inside. As soon as he finished his line, Yuki stepped out from the portal as well, and it closed with the sound of corn being popped.

“Ah! It is not them! They have been possessed!” Riku explained what he could see. “When the black hole appeared, two Baby Boomers’ spirits entered Sougo-san and Tamaki’s bodies! They are the ones infected!”

“I see... There’s no choice then.” Mitsuki clapped to grab everyone’s attention. “We must drive the spirits away! Call everyone over, old man!”

Yamato’s face was grave as he called the rest of the twelve people over: it was time to exorcise the spirits possessing Tamaki and Sougo.

After explaining the plan to everyone, they all grabbed their weapons of choice Yamato has provided them with and dashed over to Tamaki and Sougo. They all chose a weapon that they thought would work best with themselves; Yamato had a big variety, all stored in his magical present bag.

“ _OH_ , we look like the Ghost Busters.” Nagi exclaimed with sparkling eyes.

“Or like how we looked in this year’s Halloween event.” Tenn smiled.

“Ah, Tenn-nii broke the fourth wall!”

“Nanase-san, please don’t accentuate it further. Maybe no one would’ve noticed if you didn’t say anything.” Iori sighed. 

“Tenn, was that really necessary now?” Gaku turned to him.

“Do you have a problem with it?” Tenn crossed his arms.

“No need to react like that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” Gaku closed his eyes and turned away.

“What are you implying?”

“G-guys, let’s try to focus, okay?” Ryu tried to calm the two down, as always.

“Nagi, stop humming the Ghost Busters theme!” Mitsuki slapped Nagi on his back.”

“Ouchy!” he exclaimed. “ _Sorry_ , Mitsuki.”

“Yuki looks even handsome with a weapon like this one, ikemen!” Momo said excited.

“Fufu, thank you.” Yuki laughed. “Although I’d much rather sleep now. And maybe have a prophetic dream.”

“Yuki-san did it too!” Riku said again. “If Tenn-nii and Yuki-san are doing it I wanna do it too!”

“Nanase-san!”

“Iori!”

“Riku!” Tenn turned to his brother.

“Tenn!” Gaku wasn’t finished with him yet.

“Tenn-nii!”

“Mitsuuuki!”

“Yuki.” Yuki joined them.

Yamato was observing everything with an unbelieving expression. Was that really happening in front of him right now? While Tamaki and Sougo were being possessed by who knows what? Yamato sighed deeply and called out to everyone: “Can you just not break the wall any further and focus on saving the possessed couple now!?”

" _Yes!_ We need to think of a way to save them from the _evil spirit_ of _Christmas!_ " Nagi said.

"Nagi this isn't a movie. There's no way they're actually possessed by something."

"Oh my dear _Mitsuki_ , you can never know what lurks in the shadows of _reality_!"

"Shut up you two, I'm trying to concentrate here."

"In the movies they need a priest to do an exorcism." Riku mused.

"Yuki would look hot as a priest!"

"Momo-san... I did not need that mental image." Yamato groaned and rubbed his temples. Ryuu patted his back sympathetically.

Sexy Priest Yuki would haunt them all forever now and there was nothing they could ever do about it.

Sexy Priest Yuki would forever stay.

Sexy Priest Yuki did not discriminate.

Sexy Priest Yuki, Sexy Priest Yuki, Sexy Priest Yuki... 

"I have an idea." Iori said all of the sudden. "We may not have a priest, but we can have something else. Something stronger."

"What's stronger than a priest?"

"The pope," Tenn offered. "Let's put Gaku in that outfit and the hat."

"Why me?!"

"Ah right, that would be blasphemous."

"...why." apparently Gaku had given up on trying to fight back against Tenn.

"Because your only religion is Soba."

"That's right. Soba and being hot is my religion."

"I'm not talking about the Pope here." Iori interrupted. "I meant something even more powerful."

"You can't mean..." Riku gasped, "God?!"

"Almost." Iori said, "I'm talking about Jesus."

"How would we get Jesus to exorcise Tamaki and Sougo?"

"We already have Jesus here. We just have to dress Kinako up as Jesus and make her perform the exorcism."

“That totally makes sense...!”

“Yes! It totally makes sense!”

“Why does it sound so different when the twins are saying the same thing...” Yamato sighed. “So? Who’s gonna go get Kinako? And what clothes are we dressing her up with?”

“We don’t have to worry about the clothes, I made some the other da- *cough* I mean, I found a box with clothes that probably fit Kinako. We can use those... What does that look mean, Nii-san!?”

“You found a box full of clothes.”

“...yes.” 

“That somehow fit Kinako.”

“Yes, they’re probably doll clothes.”

“And for some reason there’s clothes to dress a doll like Jesus.”

“Yes, it’s probably to let children play with whatever they want.”

Mitsuki shot his little brother a meaningful smile and spoke up. “Well, the clothes problem is solved so Iori and I can go fetch Kinako and-“

“Wait, Mitsuki-kun.” interrupted Yuki. “Why would we go and get Kinako when we can simply summon her?”

“Ah, Yuki, you’re so smart! Yuki ikemen!”

“You’re not even bothering translating anymore, huh... Fine, we already have flying roombas, Santa magic, black holes, portals, a non-existent fourth wall, ghosts and exorcisms. I think that nothing we come up with at this point can make this messier than it already is...”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Nikaidou Yamato. Never underestimate the author of Because of Pa-“

“Did someone say soba spirit summoning?”

While some of them were arguing, Iori had left to find the clothes, and Momo had dragged Mitsuki and Ryu somewhere, and now they were back with pots of red paint, candles, a small altar and a few miscellaneous objects. They also brought soba, just in case.

Mitsuki proceeded to paint a demon summoning pentagram on the floor, while Ryu placed the candles according to Momo’s directions. The rest of them started browsing through the miscellaneous items and put what they thought was good enough as a sacrifice on top of the altar.

When Iori came back with the clothes, Momo lit the candles and everyone held each other’s hands as they prepared to chant a summoning spell.

“Summoning Jesus with a demonic spell is really something”, said Gaku, “but I think there’s not enough soba on the altar.”

“Do you want to make a mess out of it like in the Pancakes story?” Tenn crossed his arms.

“Ah! Tenn-nii did it again!!” Riku pouted.

“I’m sorry, it’s become a habit I can’t seem to get rid of.” he looked upwards. “At least not if _someone_ keeps on writing it.”

“Anyways…” Yamato interrupted them. “Do you want to put more soba on the altar now or not?”

“Will that make it easier?” Ryu asked.

“How should I know, I normally don’t summon rabbit jesuses on Christmas so they can exorcise two of my friends that scaled a Christmas tree while I was just on my way to deliver presents like every year.”

“I’ll just put on some more.” Gaku nodded. “Just in case.”

“Okay and now?” Iori asked. “What is the plan?”

“Pff.” Yamato snorted. “That’s what I’d like to know, really.”

“Oh oh I know, I have an idea!” Momo put his hands up in the air. “Let’s do it, Yuki.”

“Do what?” his partner looked confused.

“What we always do.”

“Alright.” Yuki grabbed a triangle from his pocket – he always kept one with him, in case he needed one – and struck it gently.

Ding.

And suddenly out of nowhere a song started playing in the background.

“This year, let’s get out of work early, and meet up!” Momo started singing. “It’s a…”

“...holy day...”

“...after all...”

“And I want to spend it with you.” they said and got closer to each other. After a short break Yuki continued.

“I put a silver bow on top of your present, I wonder if you’ll like your gift... You look so...”

“...cute when you’re surprised!”

“My imagination’s running wild.” they sang and got even closer, looking each other into the eyes.

“I feel like I can finally tell you, what I haven’t been able to say all this time.” Momo sang and put his arms around Yuki.

“Earnestly.” Yuki sang and did the same.

“You’re far more brilliant, than any of the colourful lights decorating the city. The words “I love you” aren’t enough to express, just how much you mean to me, my dear. Snow is falling down---“

“Guys!” Yamato interrupted their duet. “What even!?”

“Eh, that’s our Christmas song, Yamato-kun.” Yuki explained.

“I know, but why!?”

“Why not?” he smiled.

“Yuki.” Momo whispered.

“Yes?”

“You’re so cool.”

“Fufu, I know.”

“Hah, can we just please get started with the ritual already?” Yamato sighed and turned away from the two lovebirds.

“Of course.“ Gaku said and stepped forward. He began an ominous singing that sounded more like mumbling something to a melody than actual singing. Yamato was pretty sure that he had heard ‘Soba’ at least once or twice in the incantation.

The lights began to flicker and Yamato felt a shiver run down his spine. Was this actually working? Would Kinako Jesus just show up and help them... do what? What were they doing again? Right, exorcising Tamaki and Sougo. It was easy to forget, after all that’s happened.

Dark smoke began to rise in the middle of them and everyone held their breath. It was a rather breathtaking scene, Gaku summoning something. Only Tenn seemed oddly relaxed, as if this wasn’t anything new to him. Who knew what those two were up to in their free time.

Finally the dark smoke took a form. A form that was definitely bigger than a rabbit. And definitely not Kinako. And also not Kinako Jesus.

“Oh my God!” someone screamed, Yamato couldn’t really pinpoint who it was, but his best guess was Momo.

“It’s the guy who breaks into houses on Christmas night!”

“The one who trespasses and then leaves stuff in the house as the only sign that he’s been there!”

“The crimelord of Christmas!!”

“Santa!”

Yamato was confused. _He_ was Santa, so how was Santa being summoned into their middle right now?

“There’s no way that’s Santa. Yamato-kun is Santa after all.”

“How do you–“ Yamato stopped questioning Yuki’s omniscience, and stepped into the ring that the guests of the party had formed. “That’s right! I am Santa, and there’s no other Santa! I am the only real Santa!”

“Haaaa……” the fake Santa drawled, and Yamato saw his red eyes blink devilishly. “Then battle me, ‘Santa’, to find out who _really_ deserves that title.”

“Sure!” Yamato pulled out a microphone out of his sack of presents and switched it on. “Here I go!”

After only a few verses, that will not be listed here because of profanities (Tenn covered Riku’s ears, there is no need to worry), the fake Santa doubled over in pain.

“No... way.” he mumbled, “How can he be so strong... ugh... rap battled to death by Santa…………… how could this have happened to me…………… I don’t feel so good.” And he disintegrated into a small cloud of dust, that promptly caused severe coughs under the guys who got it into their faces and breathed it in accidentally.

After their lungs had calmed down, everyone looked into the round confusedly.

“What the fuck was that.”

“The guy you summoned wasn’t Santa or Kinako Jesus at all – Gaku, you idiot, you summoned _Satan_ instead of Kinako Jesus.” Tenn hit Gaku over the head. “Say ‘thank you’ to Yamato for taking care of him!”

“Thanks a bunch, Yappi.” said Gaku, and then mumbled: “I should’ve put more soba on the altar...”

“Maybe Satan would have taken his friends along, then! He’d need more people to eat all the soba!”

“I don’t think Satan would exactly share his possessions, Ryu.”

“Tenn is right. Also, there isn’t even enough soba for one person.”

“So, are we going to summon Kinako or not? MEZZO” here is starting to move on from hashtags to stupid retweet chains...” Mitsuki brought attention to the root of the problem that everyone, for better or for worse, had been ignoring for a while.

Tamaki and Sougo were now wearing horrible Christmas sweaters, and all sorts of tacky accessories. Sougo had moustache glasses on his face, and Tamaki was slowly stroking a fake beard.

“1 RT = 1 Christmas profile rate” said Tamaki.

“RT this for good luck, ignore to have a roomba chase you 24/7” said Sougo.

Yamato was about to look towards Sougo, but decided to ignore him as much as possible, just in case.

“Let’s summon Kinako! We have to save them before they start doing stuff like ‘20 retweets and I’ll eat 30 puddings at once’!” Riku moved towards the summoning pentagram.

“Stop it, Nanase-san. If we let you do it, Lucifer might appear this time.”

“Iori!” Riku pouted.

“Oh no. It’s getting worse. Tamaki didn’t even react to the word 'pudding'.” Mitsuki’s face was grave as he pointed it out. “We should hurry and exorcise them.”

“Okay, then, Mitsuki-kun, let’s go get Kinako."

“ _NO,_ Tsunashi-shi! We can’t get Kinako in a normal way! That would kill the _Christmas spirit!_ ”

“What do you suggest we do, Nagi? Do you have a way?” Mitsuki sighed.

“ _Y_ _ES!_ ” Nagi’s eyes were sparkling as he pulled out his phone and dialed a number. “We just have to call Magical Kokona and ask her to _please_ bring Kinako-jou here!”

“And we couldn’t have done that from the start because...?” Yamato raised an eyebrow and turned to him.

 “ _OH,_ I didn’t want to bother Kokona. What if she’s _busy_ saving _za warudo?_ ”

“She’d surely have time to save Christmas first.”

“But without a world there’s no _Christmas..._ ”

“...fine. Just, just call her please.” he said and Nagi put the phone to his ear. “I’m so tired.”

“Don’t worry, the story will be over soon.” Tenn smiled.

“Ahh!! Tenn-nii di-“

“Kujou!” Yamato exclaimed.

“Excuse me, I can’t control it.”

“Hah…”

“Can Momo and I continue our song now?” Yuki asked while putting a hand on Yamato’s shoulder.

“Does none of you care about Tama and Sou?”

“Of course we do.” Mitsuki answered. “But there’s nothing we can do right now. The ritual didn’t work and our exorcising weapons seem to be useless against whatever is possessing them. So we have no other choice than to believe in Nagi. And Kokona. And Kinako I guess...” he stopped for a second and continued. “Man, what a weird Christmas. And I thought last year’s was weird.”

“That sure was something.” Gaku started laughing.

“Just thinking back of it makes me shiver.” Tenn added.

“Nii-san, what happened last Christmas?” Iori asked.

“Last Christmas-“ Mitsuki said but was interrupted.

“I gave you my heart!” Momo started singing and pointed at Yuki.

“But the very next day...” Yuki sang and pointed at Ryu.

“M-me? Uhh...” he was caught off-guard. “...y-you gave it away?”

“Wow, well done Ryu-chan!” Momo started laughing.

“I can’t believe this is happening...” Yamato frowned. At the same time, Riku started singing along the others and slowly but surely everyone else started joining in the song. Yamato was close to losing his mind. “Gotta act like the adult I am.” he said to himself and snorted. “Yeah, sure.”

“ _Yamato!_ ” Nagi said. 

“Yes?”

“Magical Kokona will be here shortly and bring Kinako-jou with her.”

“Finally some good news, thanks Nagi.” Yamato sighed with relief and turned to the others. “Guys, Kokona and Kinako will be here any mome---what in the world are you doing!?”

“Doesn’t Riku’s hair have the exact same colour that these candy-apples have?“ Momo asked. He had stuck candy apples to Riku’s head so that the wooden sticks the apples were stuck on were standing away from the boy’s head.

The candy was slightly melting and sticking to Riku’s hair. Right now he was still laughing, but in a few minutes, when he would try to lift the apples from his hair to notice that they were stuck he would certainly not be laughing.

“What are you doing to my son?!” Yamato growled.

“What do you mean?” Riku blinked. He hadn’t even noticed that there was anything wrong yet. Oh the pure soul. Someone get this boy a guardian angel. Well, technically he had two (or more actually) of those already, Yamato noticed, when he saw Iori and Tenn glare at Momo.

Unfortunately, Momo too had a guardian angel (or devil, in Yamato’s opinion) of his own – Yuki approached and stood behind Momo.

“Nanase-san, come, we’re going to get rid of the apples on your head, before you go bald from ripping them off. Your hair is a system we cannot afford to lose.”

“Fuck Star Wars.” Tenn said, and Mitsuki on the other side of the room whipped his head around.

“Star Wars is a modern masterpiece, and I will fight you in a parking lot if you say anything else. No kicking and no punching, only lightsabers and the force.”

“Wow, I didn’t expect you brothers to be such Star Wars nerds.” Tenn rolled his eyes. “Star Trek is far superior. Am I right Riku?”

“Definitely.” Riku said. “To be honest, Spock reminds me of Iori a little!”

“He would make a wonderful vulcan.”

Iori ignored the science fiction argument, and just picked Riku up and threw him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Apparently Iori had been training to become strong, so he could carry heavy stuff, or people.

When Yamato heard the shower running, and Riku complaining that Iori got shampoo into his eyes, he sighed. Yuki was still standing behind Momo, a threatening angel of death behind his Cutie Patootie.

“Ryuu would make a good reindeer.” Gaku mused, from his position on the couch, where he had sat down together with his friend. They were cuddling, purely because that’s fucking adorable. Yamato thought so too.

“What makes you say that?” the reindeer in question asked.

Gaku formed Ryuu’s hair to something maybe resembling the antlers of a reindeer. That didn’t make any sense though, because to public knowledge all reindeers that still have antlers in winter are female. Yamato knew, he was Santa. He was always happy to tell people that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was actually a trans man. Beautiful representation in such a popular movie, genius move.

“You’re fluffy. And Santa-Yamato can ride you.”

Ryuu blushed furiously at that innuendo, and Yamato rolled his eyes.

“We had you playing matchmaker once already. We aren’t having pancakes this Christmas.”

Before Gaku could make a comeback that would surely have been ingenious, the doorbell rang.

“ _Oh!_ It must be Magical Kokona!” Nagi excitedly went to open the door.

“Myuuuuuuuuuu”

Just outside the door was Kinako, sitting (?) comfortably inside a wicker basket and covered with a white and very fluffy blanket. On top of the blanket was also what appeared to be a postcard. Nagi picked it up.

On one side was Magical Kokona’s symbol, a yellow star inside a pink heart, but further decorated with a Santa hat and various other Christmas motifs, and on the other side there was something written:

“Dear customer,

The delivery of one “Kinako” has been completed. We are committed to providing you with the highest level of customer satisfaction possible. If you have any questions or comments please send an e-mail at Kokona@magical.com or call us at 314 271 161, we would be delighted to hear from you.

Thank you for choosing Magical Kokona’s Delivery Service!

Magical☆Kokona”

On Nagi’s hands was now a file organiser. He opened it and placed the postcard next to many similarly styled postcards.

“ _Yes!_ Magical Kokona’s _amazing_ Limited Edition Christmas postcard! I’m so _happy!_ ”

Yamato felt like Nagi’s main reason to call for Kinako’s delivery had been that postcard and not to exorcise the ghosts possessing Sougo and Tamaki, but he ignored it. Kinako was finally here. He took the wicker basket inside and closed the door.

Iori was already holding the Jesus costume so Yamato handed the basket with Kinako inside to him. Iori carefully took Kinako out of the basket and started dressing her up. However, Kinako did not appreciate the clothes. She shook the clothes off and teleported away from Iori’s arms.

“Myuuuuuuu!”

Kinako was now on top of Ryu’s head as she warned Iori. He was on the verge of tears as he exclaimed “So cute!”

“Myu.”

Ryu carefully took Kinako off his head and held her carefully in front of his face as he asked for her permission to “Jesusify” her.

“Kinako, please, can we dress you up as Jesus? You see, we need to save Sougo-kun and Tamaki-kun and the only way to do this needs your help...”

“M-myu...”

Kinako must have felt conflicted when hearing Ryu’s words, since she unwillingly teleported back to Iori’s arms and reluctantly let him dress her up. The author kind of wanted to start a teleporting tag game but could only accept this outcome as both time and words were running out.

Everything was ready for the exorcising now: Tamaki and Sougo were still possessed, Kinako was dressed up as Jesus, and the rest of the people on site were ready to cooperate.

“Okay then.” said Yamato, glad that they were finally making progress. “Let’s start.”

“Wait a second! We can’t start the exorcising yet!” as Yamato looked at him with a questioning gaze, Gaku continued his sentence. “I need my Christmas sweater!”

“Why do you need your Christmas sweater now!?”

“To look Christmas ready?”

“...what?”

“To look Chri-“

“No, don’t repeat it.” Yamato felt a throbbing pain in the front of his head. “Alright let’s do this. Is everyone read-“

“Waaaaaahhhhhhhh!” Yuki yelled.

“What now!?” Yamato turned around.

“Nothing I just thought it’d fit.” Yuki smiled. “Sorry, Yamato-kun.”

“Tenn, have you seen my sweater?”

“Yes, I threw it awa---I mean no, I have not, Gaku.”

“Did you just say you threw it away?”

“Don’t be silly, you must’ve misheard.”

“Ryu, he just said that right?” Gaku turned to him.

“Haha... l-let’s not talk about this now, yes?” he tried to distract Gaku. Meanwhile Nagi was busy taking pictures of Kokona - who had come back because she left something there by accident. She was holding Kinako in her arms, ready to exorcise Tamaki and Sougo. Iori was trying his best not to give in to his urge of wanting to pat Kinako and Riku was teasing him. Mitsuki was talking to Kokona, asking her how her day was. Only Yamato was just silently observing the scene.

Until he had enough.

“Alright! NO! This is it.” he stomped towards Kokona, grabbed Kinako and turned to the Christmas tree, that was there again. For reasons. “Kinako! Exorcise! Now!” he said, wound up and threw Kinako like a baseball ball at Tamaki and Sougo on top of the tree.

“Myuuuuu!” Kinako called as she hit the two exorcised ones and the tree started swaying. It moved back and forth, decorations falling off one after the other and the shaking getting harsher quickly.

“Is it... working?” Ryu asked.

“Well since I’m not wearing my Christmas swea-“

“Shut up Yaotome!” Yamato snapped.

“Old man! The tree is falling!!” Mitsuki exclaimed suddenly and Yamato saw the tree fall into his direction. He tried to evade it but it was too late.

The tree fell down on him.

“Yamato-san!” Riku gasped.

“Timber!” Yuki said.

“Agh...” Yamato grunted.

“Oh thank goodness, he’s okay.” Ryu sighed in relief.

“I...”

“Shh, Nikaidou-san is trying to tell us something.” Iori whispered. They all got closer to Yamato and waited for him to talk.

“I...” he took a deep breath. “...I hate you all.” he said and blacked out.

“...” everyone remained silent.

"...so... and now?” Momo asked first.

“See, if I’d had my sweater...” Gaku crossed his arms.

“Wh-what happened?” Sougo came to, lying on top of Tamaki, who was lying on the floor.

“Sou-chan... heavy...” Tamaki groaned.

“ _OH_ , it did work after all! _Thanks,_ Magical Kokona!!” Nagi was happy.

“See?” Tenn turned to Gaku. “You don’t need your sweater.”

“I still like it though!”

“Hah, seems people can’t be pretty _and_ smart...”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ahaha… ha…” Ryu chuckled.

“Darling _is_ smart and pretty!!” Momo jumped at Yuki.

“Fufu, I know.” Yuki put his arms around him.

“What happened to Yama-san?” Tamaki asked, finally getting up from the floor. Everyone else looked at each other and then they looked back at him.

“Well…”

 

 

 

 

 

“Did it work!?!” Yamato woke up and jumped up. He was lying in his bed. Confused. Musashi was on the floor next to his bed, fulfilling his robot cleaning duties. And then Yamato understood.

“Oh, it was only a dream thank god.” Yamato thought to himself and breathed in deeply. “That explains why nothing made any fucking sense, what even, brain.”

But, really, it wasn’t a dream.

“It wasn’t? Geez...” he sighed and opened a can of beer.

Or was it?

“What? Oh well whatever, I don’t care. It was kinda fun... I guess...”

“Beep boop bap!” Musashi beeped and blinked.

“Haha, yeah. Gotta finish this quick, we’re already over the word limit.” he laughed. “Anyways, I wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. See yall next year.” He held the beer upwards and…

“Cheers!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Leave a comment if you liked it. :D
> 
> If you want to scream at us about anything you can do so on either of our twitter accounts ([Ayumu](https://twitter.com/396Ayumu), [Kai](https://twitter.com/eins__Kai), [Shion](https://twitter.com/ShionsTear)).
> 
> Have a nice day!
> 
> \- Ayumu, Kai and Shion


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